Monday, April 2, 2012

B is for Beauty

When I was in Junior High I went through a period of being more than a little obsessed with beauty. I was a "cute" girl, with freckles and a slight build, but I dreamed of being a beauty. I spent hours leafing through Seventeen magazine, dreaming about what it would be like to be one of "those" girls. I'd pick out my favorites and send vibes out into the universe begging the Grand Power of Being (or some cosmic deity) to see fit to bestow a bit of that beauty on me.

For years I thought that I'd grow into that beauty. Maybe when I was fifteen...sixteen...seventeen, I hoped. But of course I stayed the same girl that I'd always been, just a little older, a little taller.

I can't remember how old I was when the longing for beauty finally wore off. It wasn't a grand revelation, not an epiphany that struck in the middle of the night, but more a gradual reimagining. New desires took over. The hope that I'd one day grow up to be a beauty was replaced by the longing to be a good mother and writer and artist. It feels good to look for beauty in other places, in art, in family. And there's plenty of it there to be found.


  1. so true and to know then when i was what the world considers beautiful---how different things may have been--great post

  2. I always felt insecure around other girls, then women. They were always prettier. Looking back, I realize they weren't. But they had the attitude that I lacked. Attitude is everything, and I missed out on that gene too.

  3. Lovely post. Beauty is a relative concept.

    Look forward to your challenge posts...

    --Damyanti, Co-host A to Z Challenge April 2012

    Twitter: @AprilA2Z

  4. Coming to you from the A to Z challenge~ I completely know what you mean! I was always on the short side, and I was told countless times when I was a child, that I would grow up to be tall and slender like my father. Not only did I not look like my father at all, I'm the shortest one in my family and I am in no way shape or form slender! I used to imagine myself as a very tall woman, with red hair and green eyes, or blonde hair and blue eyes. I longed for these things that I did not have.

    However, as an artist, I found that I created my best work once I accepted who I am inside. Once I realized that I am who I am, and I am proud of my heritage! I'm part middle-eastern, and that part of my background influences my color choices and aesthetic more than I ever could have imagined as a child.

    I think that all of us-- artists, athletes, and everyone inbetween!-- have those times when we realize that our goals and desires have completely changed! However, I firmly believe that the journey of change itself is crucial-- without your previous desires to have physical beauty, you might not have had the perspective to notice beauty in other places and forms!

    I'm an artist like you, although I create in many mediums, not just paint. Before I was an artist, I was a teacher-- but I had to quit when I became chronically ill. Being sick changed my perspectives on many issues, and caused me to slow down... and most importantly of all, encouraged me to create. If I were not sick, I would still be teaching; while that is one of my passions in life, I truly believe that this is where I was supposed to end up. Too many little steps in life, too many choices that I have made, have led me to this point, for it to just be a mere coincidence.

    Great post <3 Looking forward to reading more-- sorry for writing a novel, I'm a little on the sleepy side~

    *~* Julia *~* *~*

  5. I think many women go through a 'beauty' phase. I remember watching tv as a girl and just imagining what my life would be like if I looked like one actress or the other. I also feel like as a kid, you kinda have this very skewed view on your own life where you think when you're 20 you'll have it all together. And then you turn 20 and you have nothing together and you still feel like you're 15 sometimes.
    At 23 I have come to accept that my face is my face and my body is my body and that is not going to change. And that's perfectly fine :) Priorities do change, if I could go back and tell my teenage self something it would be that it really doesn't matter whether you're wearing mascara or not, or whether you show up to school in a hoodie or a dress. And there is beauty in so many things beyond the mirror.

    I'm also doing the A-Z Challenge!