Okay all you brilliant readers, I'm asking for a bit of your help here. I'm in the process of revising a middle grade novel that I wrote a couple of years ago and I've given myself the project of rewriting the first couple of chapters. What I'm asking from you is to read my new first paragraph and tell my a couple of things.
1- Would you keep reading?
2- Does this paragraph get you questioning what is going to happen in the pages to come?
3- What would you imagine this book to be about if all you read was this first paragraph.
That's it dear readers. Just three little questions and please, be honest. I promise not to get my feelings hurt.
As the moving van pulled up alongside the tall, white house on Dover Street, an odd thought flitted in and out of Matisse’s mind. It wasn’t a fully formed idea, more the stirring of a feeling, the essence of something. A house, she thought, is kind of like a person. A body, a dwelling, both of them are vessels, and from the outside you might not even notice the emptiness within.
Matisse looked out the window of the moving van as it pulled up alongside the house on Dover Street. As her eyes moved up the tall, white colonial an odd thought flitted in and out of her mind. It wasn’t a fully formed idea, more like the essence of one. “A person,” she thought, “is kind of like a house. A body... a dwelling... they can both fool you if you're looking at them from the outside. Unless you look closer you might not even notice the emptiness inside.”