Life Goals for the Quasi Insane

There are typical life goals (write a book, travel to Europe, learn French) and then there are the goals that you only tell to your closest friends (and even then, you might only admit them when the lights are off). 

 You know what I'm talking about, they're the mad hatter dreams. The goals that you're secretly hoping will happen to you, even though you'd probably sound a bit kookie if you admitted them out loud.

Here are some of my crazy life goals:

1. Invent my own word that will become so widely used that it gets recognized in Merriam-Webster.

2. While we're at it, I'd like my own catch phrase.

3. Cultivate the power of telekinesis which I could then use to do all my housework. Yes, I'm that lazy.

4. Own a genetically modified mini elephant that I can hold in my hand. (Maybe a whole zoo of mini animals).

5. Learn to fly, or at least invent something that I can use to fly (but not too high, because I'm kind of afraid of heights).

These are just some of my crazy dreams. If you want to know the rest you'll have to come snuggle with me when the lights are off.

What's on your crazy life goal list?

The Time Muncher

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, gather round while the world famous Time Muncher demonstrates feats of daring like none you've ever seen before. Not only can she avoid doing the laundry and dishes (or all manner of household chores for that matter) she can avoid doing any sort of work entirely. Don't cover your eyes. Don't look away, or you might miss as she wastes even more time. There. Did you see it happen? Another perfectly good hour gone in the blink of an eye.

Help, I've been possessed by the Time Muncher. I looked deep into her Candy Crush eyes and weeks have vanished from my life. I've definitely fallen prey to my time wasting ways. How do you avoid getting sucked into the vortex?