Life Goals for the Quasi Insane

There are typical life goals (write a book, travel to Europe, learn French) and then there are the goals that you only tell to your closest friends (and even then, you might only admit them when the lights are off). 

 You know what I'm talking about, they're the mad hatter dreams. The goals that you're secretly hoping will happen to you, even though you'd probably sound a bit kookie if you admitted them out loud.

Here are some of my crazy life goals:

1. Invent my own word that will become so widely used that it gets recognized in Merriam-Webster.

2. While we're at it, I'd like my own catch phrase.

3. Cultivate the power of telekinesis which I could then use to do all my housework. Yes, I'm that lazy.

4. Own a genetically modified mini elephant that I can hold in my hand. (Maybe a whole zoo of mini animals).

5. Learn to fly, or at least invent something that I can use to fly (but not too high, because I'm kind of afraid of heights).

These are just some of my crazy dreams. If you want to know the rest you'll have to come snuggle with me when the lights are off.

What's on your crazy life goal list?

The Time Muncher

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, gather round while the world famous Time Muncher demonstrates feats of daring like none you've ever seen before. Not only can she avoid doing the laundry and dishes (or all manner of household chores for that matter) she can avoid doing any sort of work entirely. Don't cover your eyes. Don't look away, or you might miss as she wastes even more time. There. Did you see it happen? Another perfectly good hour gone in the blink of an eye.

Help, I've been possessed by the Time Muncher. I looked deep into her Candy Crush eyes and weeks have vanished from my life. I've definitely fallen prey to my time wasting ways. How do you avoid getting sucked into the vortex?

Introducing the Treadmill Desk

My New Office

A lot like Homer Simpson, I've got a butt-shaped indentation in my couch that I've spent endless hours perfecting. I've always been one to write with my feet up on the ottoman and my computer propped up on my lap, but lately my back (and my waistline) haven't been too happy with this arrangement. 

Over the past year I've been jealously watching as other writers made the leap to the treadmill desk. On twitter I listened as authors like John Green talked about the thousands of steps they took each day while simultaneously cranking out thousands of words. 

Of course as my birthday inched closer I dropped hint after hint (well, maybe they weren't hints so much as outright pleading) for a treadmill desk. But with the big price tag that comes with one, I assumed it was out of the question.

On my birthday-- after a lovely lunch date-- my husband told me he just had to run a quick errand for work on our way home. I must be pretty easy to deceive because I didn't even question the fact that my mom wanted to come along. 

You can imagine my surprise when we pulled into the LifeSpan parking lot and my mom and husband told me what they were giving me for my birthday. It was even better than a PONY. 

I'd done a lot of research about what sort of desk I wanted and a LifeSpan was at the very top of my list, but I hadn't realized that the company was actually based out of Salt Lake. Not only did I not have to wait to have my treadmill desk delivered, but we also saved $200 by picking it up ourselves.

I've only had my desk for a few days, but I'm a total convert. It's amazing how easy is to walk and type at the same time. After a couple minutes I forget that my legs are even moving. Today I walked over three miles while I was editing. THREE MILES. 

I have to warn you now, if you run into me, I might start proselytizing about how great treadmill desks are. Hopefully I can convert you all!

Banner Winner!

Yesterday I was spoiled rotten on my birthday with a fancy lunch date, a tasty homemade dinner (made by my daughter), two trips to the park with our sweet dog and the coolest gift of all... a treadmill desk. (Don't worry, there will be a whole post on the awesomeness of my new desk.)

But enough taking. It's time to give back a little. I'm excited to announce the winner of the Banner Contest. I can't wait to get started making some original artwork for...

DANA ALISON LEVY

Congratulations Dana. Start brainstorming about your new banner and then shoot me an email and I'll get started designing it.

It's Official

Yep, it's official, I can finally announce my exciting news. I signed my very first book deal (well two-book deal to be more precise). I'm thrilled to get to work with Heather Howland from Entangled on my series, PET. 

Here's the Publisher's Marketplace listing:

Kate Birch's debut PET, set in a world where the government has passed legislation allowing people to be genetically engineered and raised as pets so the rich and powerful can own beautiful girls like sixteen-year-old Gigi as their new companions, to Heather Howland at Entangled digiTeen in a two-book deal, by Kerry Sparks at Levine Greenberg Literary Agency (World).

Of course, to celebrate, the first thing I did was treat myself to a new book from The King's English. 

Win a Banner

In celebration of Kristin Lippert-Martin's gorgeous new website (which you can visit here) I decided it was time for another contest. I had so much fun designing her banner-- which she happened to win during my last banner design contest-- that I decided it was time to duplicate all that cheer.

You too can win a new banner for your blog, website, facebook page... whatever you want. Heck, maybe you just want a banner to wear around your neck when you go grocery shopping. I won't judge. It's up to you. The sky's the limit.

How to enter: 
1. Make sure to follow my blog (unless of course you already do).
2. Leave me a message telling me what fun banner you want me to design for you.
3. Spread the word... Tell your friends on twitter or Facebook, post it on your blog or knock on your neighbor's door, whatever works for you :)

That's it! 

The contest will run until midnight on my birthday, June 6th. I'll announce the winner on June 7th.

One Lucky Mama

This is the amazing list that my daughter made me for Mother's Day.

 77 Things I Love About You...

• You and I are always on the same brain wave
• You let us make fun of you
• You make fun of us
• Your imagination is endless
• You can't cook to save your life
• You dance like nobody is watching
• You're easily amused
• You are a horrible driver
• You turn every bad situation into a fun one
• You pick me up from school when I just don't want to go
• You can make fun of strangers and only feel a little bad about it
• You can't follow directions
• You call us by the wrong name
• You let us do art projects even when we are still in the middle of our last one
• You get scared during movies
• I can hear you laughing at the TV when I'm going to sleep
• You aren't afraid of talking to strangers
• You like to give things away
• You can't keep a secret for more than a few hours
• You aren't afraid to take chances
• You can make a bag of candy disappear almost instantly
• You get addicted to video games (i.e. Candy Crush)
• You aren't afraid to stick up for yourself and your kids
• You're crazy
• Your handwriting should be a font
• You have the cutest sneezes
• You laugh at my jokes even when they aren't funny
• You make me laugh
• You love Dad and you say so a lot
• You let Dad go camping/fishing/snowboarding/golfing even when you don't want him to
• You don't pay attention to the outside world when you are reading
• You sing at the top of your lungs even though you can't hit the notes
• Your laugh is infectious
• You're a worry wart
• We would own a zoo if you had the choice
• You have great style
• You know when something is bothering me
• You understand what I'm talking about even when I don't
• You try to be a handyman even if you fail
• You are genuine
• You drive me places at a moment's notice
• You have good taste in music
• You take every opportunity to learn about something
• You read every book you can get your hands on
• You can finish a word search in three minutes flat
• You never get angry at me
• You always have the most interesting things to say
• You have baby-child hands
• You can stop biting your nails for a few months and know right when you will start again
• You get so excited about little things
• You spend every penny you earn on your kids
• You don't let the big things worry you
• You always worry about the little things
• You let me rant on about what I see on Pinterest
• You have a never ending supply of book ideas
• You are a dork
• You see the beauty in everything
• You are opinionated
• You know just what to say to make me feel better
• You make everyone around you happy
• You put up with my crazy sleep talking and remember them well enough to tell me about them the next day
• You are just the right amount of awkward
• We always have something to talk about
• You get so worked up about politics
• You would make a great president
• You are always willing to help me with homework
• You are just a slightly older version of me
• You are so organized, yet such a mess all the time
• You are willing to do anything to help me
• If a mini pony wandered into our yard, you would already have a name picked out and a stable built
• You're always on the hunt for a new farm to move to
• You always speak your mind
• You are so passionate about everything you do
• You think you're the coolest person on Earth, and you're right
• You love us so much and would go to the moon and back to show us
• You're my mommy

It feels good to be known inside and out!